Phil is pretty confident in his ability to sell Claire and Cam's flipped house, but when it proves to be a little harder than he thought, he recruits the whole family into taking some desperate, borderline crazy measures. Meanwhile, Javier is visiting Manny and brings along his new girlfriend, which doesn't sit very well with Gloria.
The family celebrates Claire and Cameron finishing their house and they're ready to sell. Champagne for everyone, and two for Haley. At least she tries to get a second glass but to no avail. Of course, with Phil's expertise in real estate, there was only one thing to do. That's right, let Gil Thorpe sell it. However, he comes in with an offer that barely turned a profit for Claire and Cameron, so they pass. And two months goes by. Yet Mitchell has kept his tongue in check. He had been desperate to give his sister and partner a big "I told you so." (MITCHELL: My sister, my partner! My sister, my partner! Kind of doing a Chinatown thing there).
Gloria was mad as hell because her ex-husband, Javier, took Manny out with his latest girlfriend, whom she figured was a stripper or a cocktail waitress. And Jay making wisecracks didn't help. But she was neither. Trish was a PhD who ran the art and antiquities section at Christie's. Javier met her when he sold a painting he won in a poker game and they had been together ever since. Given how cultured she was, Manny was naturally quite smitten with her. Now Gloria was wishing Trish was a cocktail waitress or a stripper.
Gil Thorpe's offers for the house continued to get smaller and smaller the longer it was on the market, and Phil was running out of potential buyers. Luke said a friend of his was looking for a house. Everybody dismissed this...until they found out he was talking about the guy who volunteered in the computer department at their school and was loaded for bear. (He even drove a nicer car than Phil). It was desperation time, so they really had to put the hard sell on Zack. How do they do it? Haley does by doing some research online and finding out Zack likes Indian food, the Chicago Blackhawks, kickboxing, Die Hard, his dog, Otis, and beer.
PHIL: She's like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
CAMERON: With cuter hair.
HALEY: STOP TALKING!
MITCHELL: She really is.
He also likes meditating, old-school funk and girls who wear black tights. Not a problem for the crew. One doggie door, a Blackhakws banner, Indian takeout, and some 80s music later, they were ready. And Haley even dropped by the house in black tights. (She was hoping to go out with him).
Gloria wasn't liking Manny kissing up to Trish but even Jay was now, showing off Barkley, his dog butler, and Trish not hating it was making it worse. They decided to play charades, but with an odd number of people, who would be stuck with Gloria? Everybody else did great, but Gloria couldn't handle not being as cultured as Trish and stormed out. Jay talked her down, reminding her she loved Manny so much, she pretty much ruined any chance he had of dating. And given Javier's track record, Trish was going to get dumped in a week anyway. Or so they thought. Javier asked for the engagement ring back he gave to Gloria so he could propose to Trish and give it to her. Only the ring was way too small for her finger. That and the fact that she couldn't marry him. She storms off and locks herself in Manny's bedroom. ("I thought it was the bathroom. I smelled potpourri").
Zack comes by the house and is loving the features of the place. He was happy to hear an Indian restaurant was within walking distance, there was plenty of beer, and he liked the music. He even liked the doggie door, and Cameron assured him Otis would love it. Oops. Zack started to wonder how they knew all of this, and finding out what they did really freaked him out. Although that didn't stop Haley from promising to take him out for his birthday. Zack ran for the hills, especially given you really couldn't see the building where they shot Die Hard from the house, and everybody was embarrassed for what they did. They decided to just take the best offer from Gil Thorpe, who just happened to stop by. Only Phil told him Cameron and Mitchell were the potential buyers. Which Cam and Mitch didn't exactly correct him on. (GIL: Dammit! Gays! They've come to play). Gil couldn't compete with a gay couple, so he told Phil he had a buyer lined up with a great offer, but Phil lets him hang and makes him up the offer so Claire and Cam got everything back and then some.
Javier demanded Trish come out of Manny's bedroom or he'd break down the door, which Jay wasn't having. But Gloria decided to talk to her, thinking she could send Trish packing. As it turns out, she already had. Manny couldn't stop talking about how much he loved his mother, and Trish couldn't get handle how gorgeous Gloria was, especially just two months after having a baby.
TRISH: I ate half of a granola bar for lunch and I can't button my pants! I can't cook and I'm only average in bed! And I will never...NEVER...live up to the great GLORIA!!
GLORIA: (hugs her) Welcome to the family!
(The characters striked out do not appear in this episode)
- Jay Pritchett
- Gloria Pritchett
- Manny Delgado
- Claire Dunphy
- Phil Dunphy
- Haley Dunphy
- Alex Dunphy
- Luke Dunphy
- Mitchell Pritchett
- Cameron Tucker
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett
- Benjamin Bratt as Javier Delgado
- Paget Brewster as Trish
- Rob Riggle as Gil Thorpe
- Anders Holm as Zack Barbie
- Samantha Bennett as Waitress
- Ira Glass as Himself
- Gil Thorpe marks his first on-screen appearance, after being mentioned in "Not in My House", "Strangers on a Treadmill", "Slow Down Your Neighbors", and "Diamond in the Rough".
- Javier marks his third appearnce, after "Up All Night" and "Lifetime Supply".
- Barkley returns from "Not in My House" and "Express Christmas".
- Trish says Manny looks like a 16th-century portrait by Gainsborough or van Dyck; but Thomas Gainsborough is 18th century, and Anthony van Dyck is 17th century.
- Javier now has a beard.
- In the first scene, Alex is shown to be drinking orange juice in some shots and champagne in others.
- Mitch says the house is not Gosford Park.
- Mitch references the climax of Chinatown.
- Jeff Koons, Andy Warhol, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? and The Old Man and the Sea are mentioned.
- Phil says that Fox Plaza, Los Angeles, where Die Hard was filmed, is visible from the house.