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"Me? Jealous?" is the fourteenth episode from Season 3 of Modern Family, it aired on February 8, 2012.

Plot Summary

Phil is so preoccupied with impressing his new business partner, Tad, that he doesn't notice what Claire believes is Tad being overtly inappropriate with her. Meanwhile, Jay and Gloria let Mitchell and Cameron stay over while their house is fumigated, and it turns out four is a crowd.

Episode Description

Phil is nervous about a new potential client, even marinading salmon at home for him. Alex thinks he has a man crush, but Phil insists the guy travels the world and does all sorts of charity work. How? He got divorced and is living the dream. Which he probably shouldn't have said in front of Claire. Still, that beats Haley putting down she was a Big Sister on her college application, although she thinks being an older sister to Alex and Luke qualifies as being a Big Sister. It doesn't, and now she has to go volunteer.

Over at Jay and Gloria's, they have house guests: Mitchell and Cameron. Cam and Gloria are excited because they don't hang out together much and can have a movie night. Jay isn't so thrilled, and Mitch finding Jay's book of lawyer jokes don't really put him in a good mood.

The dinner with Tad works out just fine. He loved the salmon...and the steak...and the chicken...and the shrimp. (Phil needed to cover all the bases.) But Tad had to head home to the kids, so he said kissing Claire on the lips. Phil doesn't react to that...actually, he does. Positively. Phil thinks it's a culture thing, but Claire is certain he lingered. Breakfast at Jay and Gloria's was just as awkward. Cam put up Amaryllis to brighten the place (Gloria didn't know the house needed brightening), and Gloria fixed Lily's hair. (Cam didn't know her hair was broken.) But at least Mitch didn't have to sit around and listen to more lawyer jokes from Jay, as he had to meet with a famous radio DJ famous for making prank calls. Jay was a big fan but was afraid to meet the guy. Gloria wants to take Lily to school, so Cam decides to clean the house a bit, maybe even dust.

As Haley gushed over the drawing her little sister gave her (not Alex, although she gave her a nicer one when she was 10 which Haley threw out), Jay got up the courage to join Mitch at lunch with Booker Bell, the DJ. And introduces himself as Boz Scaggs. Jay isn't particularly tongue-tied after that, though. In fact, he wants to hear plenty of stories from Booker, although Mitch would like to continue with his lunch meeting. Mitch sends Jay on his way, but Booker isn't too thrilled Mitch sent away a fan of his.

Meanwhile, Tad came by the house to fix the rickety dining room table, brings over a couple of bottles of wine, and yes, kisses Claire on the lips goodbye again. And Phil STILL doesn't have any idea Claire is upset. She thinks he only sees the big sale.

The "war" between Cameron and Gloria continues, as Lily comes home with the same leopard-print jacket Gloria is wearing, while Cam has rearranged her kitchen "so it makes sense". Manny tries a little psychology, given that he comes from divorced parents. He makes up a personal story about a friend, Danielle, and tries it on both Cameron and Gloria. Doesn't work for either of them.

Phil and Claire go over to Tad's house for dinner. Phil once again tries the handshake-hug and fails, and Claire manages to avoid Tad's lips on hers. But the babysitter leaves and Tad gives her a kiss on the lips, too. (and she could pose as a grandmother) He repeats it on his sister, daughter, and son. And somehow, Phil manages to miss every single one of them.

As Luke finally breaks up Alex and Haley from fighting, resulting in them trying to dress him up like a girl like the did in the old days, Gloria ups the ante against Cam by playing loud music in the kitchen while they cooked. As it turned out, Gloria admitted Cameron reorganizing her stuff made her feel out of place, and Lily remembered to bring Cameron a gift Gloria and she got for him: a matching leopard-print apron. Cam felt a bit jealous because Lily never had a mother and Gloria was doing so well with it. And both of them decide to tell Manny about it so it helps him with his friend, Danielle. Meanwhile, Mitchell goes to talk to Jay and apologizes for being short with him earlier. Jay admits he shouldn't make the lawyer jokes, but he was always proud of what Mitch did. They get interrupted by a phone call that Jay's car was stolen and someone found a kilo in the trunk. He runs out with Mitch in tow, only he just got his bell rung by that practical joker, Booker Bell.

Claire and Phil finish their dinner with Tad, and Claire apologizes for jumping to conclusions, particularly when Tad kisses his dog in the same manner. Tad tells a funny story about Costa Rica and Claire laughed. Oops.

PHIL: (interview) You can kiss my wife, you can take her to bed, but you CANNOT make her laugh! (I wanna go back) You can kiss my wife, but only I can take her to bed and make her laugh. (I wanna go back) Only *I* can take my wife to bed, COMMA, and make her laugh.

Phil is upset with Claire, to say the least. Claire is ecstatic for him being jealous of her laughing because he was fighting for her. But she reassures Phil nobody can make her laugh like him.

PHIL: As long as it's always genuine. You can fake anything you want with me, but don't fake your laugh.

Well, she'll have to fake her laugh once when they find Betty Luke in the house. (Actually, it wasn't fake. In fact, they got the camera.)

Main Cast

(The characters striked out do not appear in this episode)

  • Jay Pritchett
  • Gloria Pritchett
  • Manny Delgado
  • Claire Dunphy
  • Phil Dunphy
  • Haley Dunphy
  • Alex Dunphy
  • Luke Dunphy
  • Mitchell Pritchett
  • Cameron Tucker
  • Lily Tucker-Pritchett

Guest Starring

  • Greg Kinnear as Tad
  • Phil Hendrie as Booker Bell
  • Alexis Fowlkes as Annie
  • Barbara Dodd as Ellen
  • Carolyn Morse as Kara
  • Michael William Arnold as Tad's Son
  • Cole Bernstein as Tad's Daughter


  • In this episode, Cam and Mitch have to fumigate their place. In the Malcolm in the Middle episode, Malcolm Babysits, Eric Stonestreet played a man who had to fumigate Malcolm's place. This man was named Phil while in this show, Cam's brother in law is also named Phil.
  • This episode has no recurring characters.