I'm the cool dad, you know. That's my thang. I'm hip. I surf the web. I text.
Before the show
Phil was born on April 3rd, 1968 in Key West, Florida to Frank and Grace Dunphy. From his mother's side, he is part Australian. He lived near Lake Okeechobee. ("Legacy") He went to high school where he was an active member of the cheerleading squad, a habit he continued to pursue until his college years.
On his 12th birthday, Phil hit 10 straight fastballs in the batting cage. His best friend then, Jeff Sweeney stepped in and was hit in the groin, to which Phil shouted "Ball two!" and people laughed. Phil would regard this as his best birthday for years, and according to him, also the moment he discovered that he is funny ("Game Changer").
Phil had two girlfriends before Claire in 1991: Denise, whom he broke up with while he was already dating Claire ("Truth Be Told"), and Carla Concannon, to whom he lost his virginity to on June 10th, 1988 while listening to Carly Simon's Nobody Does it Better ("Sleeper").
During college, he had a roommate, Ling a fellow cheerleader who would later be mentioned to having built his own helicopter. He had a rival in college named Glen Whipple, captain of the cheer leading squad who also break dances and performs magic like Phil. He mentioned going to trapeze school ("Benched") and having a job parking cars where he dented an Aston Martin ("The One That Got Away").
He also has a severe fear of clowns, which he attributes to his accidental finding of a dead clown in the woods when he was a child ("Fizbo").
Phil describes himself as a "cool dad." A devoted family man, he dotes on his wife Claire and constantly tries to find ways to bond with his three kids, which quite often falls short. He uses a parenting method that he calls "peerenting", which is a combination of talking like a peer, but acting like a parent ("Pilot"). Phil is generally portrayed as a good person who always takes the high road in dealing with difficulties, except when pushed too his limit as in "Fulgencio", where turned to mafia-like ways to solve his family's problems. Phil is often obsessive over being his kids' best buddy, which falls short especially as his kids go through puberty.
Phil is shown to be childlike and clumsy at times, and is implied by Claire to possibly have ADHD, characteristics he seems to share with his son Luke. One running gag with Phil is that he frequently makes accidental double entendres, often to the expense of Claire or his intelligence.
Phil is portrayed as a funny guy, which he claims started at his 12th birthday party where everyone laughed at his joke and he discovered he is funny. He often uses wordplay and improvisation in sentences to entertain people. For example, when before he answers the phone, he once asks "Who sang Evil Woman?" and then answers the phone "E-L-O" as in 'Hello'.
Phil is also an avid follower of technology, being adept on the latest gadgets with his online buddies. He loves sci-fi, fantasy and role-playing, as well as the concept of robots taking over or being used to further people's lives. Phil is a born dreamer always almost unshakably optimistic, easy-going, happy-go-lucky and maintains a positive attitude in an insane degree of situations. Despite this, he is fully capable of being deadly serious when his family's welfare is being compromised. Phil is also very good at choosing presents, according to Claire, which she is very bad at ("Great Expectations").
Phil is a realtor and takes his job seriously, to such a point that Claire believes incorrectly that it is the only thing that he ever takes seriously. Because of his career in presenting comfortable homes to a variety of people, he gets on with other people effortlessly, especially divorcées ("Larry's Wife").
Phil is not only fun-loving and almost childishly optimistic, but also extremely compassionate and empathetic to a fault. He selflessly puts others a mile ahead of himself and is willing to help out his family and friends, even Jay (Who has always shown animosity towards him) when they are in a jam. Despite this, Phil can lose his cool when pushed too far, which climactically comes to pass in "When a Tree Falls" when Jay unintentionally jokingly mocks Phil in front of his friends, and in the ensuing boxing match between them Phil obliterates Jay and beats him furiously, fuelled by some boxed-up rage against Jay for resenting him since they met. He is willing to apologise to Jay afterwards. Also, Phil is the first to truly comfort Jay in "The Storm", when Jay laments about the friends he lost in the military and that he feels compelled by their tradition to toast the fallen when one of their surviving comrades dies.
One of his infamous traits would be his effeminacy, especially when compared to his wife, a prime example of such role reversal would be when Claire became head of Jay's closet industry and he becomes the neglected trophy wife (instead of the stereotypical other way around). He enjoys spa days, gossip and was revealed to be a fully licensed hair stylist and masseuse. However, Phil's effeminacy is also a useful trait for his job as a realtor; he has shown power over women because of his reliability and trustworthy nature. Gloria admits that he is impossible to lie to and is easy to confide within such as when he helped her settle her problems with her old apartment while he was a hairdresser at the time.
Phil is revealed to be attracted to black women, although he only realised this while claiming he had a thing for powerful women: Michelle Obama, Serena Williams and Oprah Winfrey, only realising the connection whilst listing.
Phil is a tall man in his early fifties. He is in good shape, going to the gym ("Mistery Date"), running on the treadmill ("The Old Man & the Tree") and doing power walks ("Door to Door"). Phil likes to prove his manliness, especially to his father-in-law ("Snip"). He is often seen wearing a dress shirt and trousers. On the show's Valentine's Day episodes, Phil takes on an alter ego of Clive Bixby to go role-playing with Claire, who takes an alter ego of her own, Julianna. Frequently their attempts for a romantic evening go horribly wrong and end in either Phil or Claire being in a tight position.
Phil worked in construction prior to being a real estate agent. One of the structures he worked on was the Rialto Theater. ("Crying Out Loud")
Real Estate Agent
Phil's occupation at the moment is being a real estate agent. Phil helps people to either buy or sell a home or a piece of property. This may range from plots of land and small starter homes to exotic islands and luxury mansions ("Phil's Sexy, Sexy House"). Phil can work either as a listing agent, to help a client sell a home, or as a buyer's agent, to help the client buy a home. Real estate agents are employed worldwide as the need for buying and selling homes and property has always existed and will continue to do so. Phil has to be honest and loyal to his clients.
Claire Dunphy is Phil's wife. Phil tries to be a good husband to her but sometimes ends up failing when he thinks for himself or doesn't side with her, he also tends to innocently flirt with his stepmother-in-law Gloria, but, they still love each other as they are in a marriage for a reason. Claire tends to refer to Phil as the "kid" she married. As much as they are lovers they are also best friends, Claire and Phil have a very loving romantic and friendly relationship:
Claire asks Phil to tell Haley what's wrong with her skirt (Claire thinks it's too short). Phil is supposed to tell Haley that it's too short, but he misunderstands Claire as he isn't listening to what she is complaining about; he is on his phone. Phil tells Haley that it looks cute, to which Haley thanks her dad and Claire looks as if she's given up on Phil. ("Pilot") Claire and Phil dress up as their role playing characters. (photographed upper right) When Claire and Phil are going up on the escalator, Claire gets the belt that is attached to her coat stuck in the gap of one of the steps that revolve. Phil tries to help her out and fortunately accidentally trips and falls onto the 'Emergency Stop' button, which stops the escalator from continuing. A bunch of people come up to Phil and Claire who have an either friendship, acquaintance or working relationship with them, each see that Claire is stuck and offer to help her out, which Claire very badly wants to decline as she is completely naked underneath her coat for Phil. Phil then runs out to call for help, he comes back and tells everyone that help is on the way to get rid of them; he hasn't actually called for help, when he tells Claire this, she is confused as to why he didn't actually call them, which would have been a good idea. She then tells him to actually call for them. ("My Funky Valentine")
There is a Kiss Cam at the football game and Gloria kisses Phil. Phil then begins thinking of ways to say sorry to Claire, Claire is acting up about something Phil doesn't know about and he thinks that it's the kiss cam. Phil tries to say sorry but dances around the actual thing. Claire complains at Phil but doesn't tell him what for and so Phil thinks it's the kiss cam. They both don't find out about each others problems until they pose for a family portrait, which goes horribly wrong. ("Family Portrait")
Phil finds out, from Alex accidentally implying it, that Haley has lost her virginity to Dylan. Phil asks Claire how long she's known about it and she tells him that she known about it for 3 months, Phil then states "So this giant thing happened to our first born and you kept me in the dark about it for 3 whole months?" Claire then says she's sorry as she didn't know how he'd react. Phil then unexpectedly hugs her for not telling him as it's evident he was ready to learn about Haley and Dylan. Phil then whispers "Thank you" as he hugs her. ("Virgin Territory")
Haley Dunphy is Phil's eldest daughter. He tries hard to be the cool dad with her and her brother and sister, but it only leads to her embarrassment. Phil gets emotional when he finds out that Haley has already lost her virginity and realizes that his little girl is growing up and that she is not his little girl any more. Although later Haley always reminds him that she will always be his little girl. Phil and Haley has a good father daughter relationship. though they used to be much closer. which is mentioned in episode: "see you next fall" when Claire says to Phil "Do you remember when you used to come home from work and Haley would meet you at the door in her little Aladdin pajamas? You know, and she'd stick her arms up in the air and say "Daddy, Daddy, take me on a magic carpet ride." "Remember that? When was the last time Haley was that excited to see you?" to which Phil replies "I don't remember."
Claire asks Phil to tell Haley what's wrong with her skirt (Claire thinks it's too short). Phil is supposed to tell Haley that it's too short, but he misunderstands Claire as he isn't listening to what she is complaining about; he is on his phone. Phil tells Haley that it looks cute, to which Haley thanks her dad and Claire looks as if she's given up on Phil. ("Pilot")
Phil finds out, from Alex accidentally implying it, that Haley has lost her virginity to Dylan. Alex then tells Haley that she's not sure that Phil even heard her or knew what she meant. Haley then figures out that Phil knows what Alex meant and he knows that she's lost her virginity. Haley then tries to make her Dad see that Haley is still Haley, just with more growing up being done to her. Haley tells her Dad that she'll always be his girl, she just isn't little anymore. ("Virgin Territory")
Phil gives Haley his book "Philosphy" and Haley acts like she doesn't care about it and tells him that he needs to leave her dorm so she can be like the rest of the kids with normal parents which evidently upsets Phil. She rushes them to leave her so she can be a college girl. At the end of the episode we see that Haley has called her Mom up to tell her goodnight and that she loves her, which matters to Claire, and then starts to read Phils' book and we see she really loves him and misses him. ("Schooled")
Alex Dunphy is Phil's youngest daughter. He also tries to be the cool dad with her, bonding with her to solve a problem that he needs some 'smart talk' for or to talk about something else serious, but she ends up thinking that his problems are weird as she considers him an idiot, but she still loves him nonetheless.
Alex voices a suspicion that her brother, Luke, has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), but all the symptoms she reads out all are shown to apply to Phil. ("Starry Night")
Phil realizes that Walt Kleezak, who passed away, never fixed his estrangement from his daughter and he decides that he does not want the same thing to happen with himself and Alex, so he sets out with her for some great stories to replace the empty gallery of Phil-Alex moments. All his attempts to create something special (he even tries to get a woman in labor so they can help her deliver since no one else is around to do it) fail and when Alex asks him why he is acting so weird, he tells her that he just wants to create a special memory for her. Alex tells him she will always remember how her father spent the entire day trying to create a memory for her. ("The Last Walt")
Phil went to her for advice on Luke. Alex accidentally reveals to her father that she lost her virginity at age 17. Phil was speechless at this, while she realized her error. ("Double Click")
Luke Dunphy is Phil's youngest son and only male child. He bases his relationship with his son on his own relationship with his father Frank - he saw his dad as a more of a buddy and close friend than a parent while growing up, and so wanted Luke to see him the same way. As they are the only two males in the family, they form an extremely close bond with each other and are often seen coming up with various schemes and ideas to try together. He cares for Luke deeply and vice versa, as in many episodes it has been shown his family love towards him. Despite having so much in common and relate very well, they don't have exactly the same likes and dislikes:
- In "Fizbo", it is revealed that Phil is afraid of clowns, while Luke loves them. His fear is said to stem from finding a dead clown in the woods.
- In "The Butler's Escape", it is shown that, despite his aptitude for magic, Luke is not interested of being a magician, which greatly disappoints Phil, because he loves magic, but he finally tells Luke that whatever he decide, he will always support him.
- In "And One to Grow On", Phil wants to set Luke on a dance class, which Luke dislikes, because Phil says that he comes from a long line of dancing Dunphys.
Phil has to shoot Luke with a BB gun because he shot his sister with, Alex, with that gun. But when he is just about to shoot Luke, Phil sees that he is scared, thinks that he has learned the lesson and he decides to not shoot him, although he accidentally ends up shooting him. ("Pilot") Phil tries to retrieve Luke's toy truck from a little space they have underneath the house, even though he is very scared of going down there. ("Fears")
Phil reveals that of his 3 children, Luke is his favorite as he is just like him. ("The Late Show")
Jay is Phil's father-in-law. He tries really, really hard to gain approval from Jay and Jay is very stubborn at not giving him any. It is almost as if Jay doesn't like Phil at all, but Jay tells Phil directly that he liked him. Once to Jay's dismay, he accidentally told Phil that he loved him, but Phil was too busy and didn't hear it. Jay introduces Phil as "Phil is my son-in-law," but Phil says it sounds like he is saying, "Phyllis, my son-in-law." Phil also complains that Jay says "Dumb-phy" instead of "Dunphy." Phil once fixed Jay's printer and since it is Phil's only accomplishment with Jay, Phil brings it up every chance he gets.
Jay and Phil fly a toy plane on a playing field, Jay gets annoyed with Phil talking and tells him to get into the position of a game called "Threading the Needle", in which Phil would have to run to the other side of the playing field with a hoop in his hand, he does this and Jay purposely accidentally flies the plane into Phil's face and not through the hoop. (When Jay brings Phil home, Claire tells Jay that he had to have done it on purpose reasons being: he's never liked Phil. Claire then tells him that he's done the game perfectly with his children before.) ("Come Fly with Me")
Gloria is Phil's step-mother-in-law. He has a crush on her, once staring at Gloria through Claire's sunglasses. Gloria is seemingly oblivious to this. Jay says nothing of it because Phil is married to his daughter and therefore knows not to cross the line; saying he would never stray away from Claire. once he realizes that Claire is the most important thing that ever happened to him. But this quickly changes back, although nonetheless he still really loves Claire:
Claire gets her belt that is attached to her coat stuck in the escalator and after quite a while Gloria and Jay appear, Jay jokingly asks Claire if she is naked underneath the coat, to which Claire, unfortunately for Jay, implies her reply: Yes. Gloria helps her out and then tells her that she has been in the situation before and thus knew exactly what to do. We see Phil tell Jay that he thinks what Gloria did was impressive, Jay gets a hint of flirtation from Phil and tells Phil to take it down a notch, calling him Clive. ("My Funky Valentine") There is a kiss cam at the football game and Gloria kisses Phil. Phil then begins thinking of ways to say sorry to Claire, Claire is acting up about something Phil doesn't know about and he thinks that it's the kiss cam. Phil tries to say sorry but dances around the actual thing. Claire complains at Phil but doesn't tell him what for and so Phil thinks it's the kiss cam. They both don't find out about each others problems until they pose for a family portrait, which goes horribly wrong. ("Family Portrait")
Jay makes Phil stay at his house with Gloria, Phil accepts it after Gloria tells him "I do Jay why can't I do you?" when she is talking about hairdressing, Phil knows what she is talking about however he can also relate it to a sexual reference towards him. We later see Gloria doing Phil's hair with her chest all up in his face, Gloria tells him to hold his head still and Phil tells her that he is just a little tense, Gloria takes a break from cutting his hair and bends down and prompts him to open up about Claire. As he opens up about Claire she gets back up and puts her chest back in his face. ("Regrets Only")
Phil teaches Gloria how to skate. ("My Hero")
Manny is Phil's step-brother-in-law by marriage twice: Phil is married to Claire but Claire's Dad is married to Gloria, Manny's mother. Phil and Manny has only had a handful of proper moments alone together but when they've had moments with other people in the room, Phil treats him almost like a son instead of a brother-in-law, which he is.
Mitchell is Phil's brother-in-law. They do not typically share the spotlight, but when they do, there is a focus on their shared love for the sci-fi/fantasy genre. Phil is highly toxic in his interactions with Mitchell, and is more than comfortable with throwing Mitchell under the bus so that he appears as the good guy, as evident in Tableau Vivant and Diamond in the Rough. Mitchell, with a clearer conscience, never behaves that way. Instead, he stands up for Phil when Phil is being mistreated, such as in Clash of Swords. The shameless Phil then takes credit of the convention-goers' acceptance of him, claiming it was because of his "pure of heart". He fails to realise that the only "pure of heart" there is Mitchell. Should their roles be reversed, Phil would have no qualms with letting Mitch be hated by the convention attendees as long as he is accepted and liked.
Phil drives Mitchell to retrieve his wallet, which he forgot at home in all the chaos. ("Airport 2010")
Mitch tries to tell Phil that his jokes for the SCARB (Southern California Annual Realtors Banquet) are unfunny, but Mitch can't go through it after seeing Phil's sad face and eventually ends up telling him that he is "this generation's Richard Pryor." ("Strangers on a Treadmill")
Phil has to find a way to tell Mitch that he is fired from his unpaid job at the real estate agency that he did as a favour to the ungrateful Phil. When Phil goes to Mitch's house to tell him about his dismissal, Mitch also tries to tell him that he does not want to continue working at the estate agency. The message did not get received by either party. When Mitch appears at the agency later, Phil is prompted by his need to suck up to his office mates and brutally breaks the news to Mitch, acting as though he has the upper hand when Mitch himself also wanted to leave. Mitch is then stuck in the elevator for two hours knowing he has been fired. Phil, displaying clear symptoms of having being neglected as a child hence his ridiculous need to please people by throwing close relatives under the bus for his own gain, leans into his office mates' dislike of Mitchell, instead of defending his brother-in-law – who would actually do that in Clash of Swords. He also later fails to show remorse for his appalling behaviour, not even apologising to Mitchell for embarrassing him, but instead badgers him for his parking pass. ("Tableau Vivant")
Claire and Cam want to try their hand at flipping a house, and Phil and Mitchell fight over who will be the bad guy to tell them no. Phil manipulates the extremely gullible Claire and Cam to believe that Mitchell is the one against their idea and that he is completely on board, when in truth he, too, dislikes their idea but is just using Mitch as his shield so that he would remain likeable at Mitch's expense. Claire and Cam finally find out what they were trying to do, and get really mad at their significant others. ("Diamond in the Rough") Phil's mother, Grace Dunphy, dies and Mitchell goes to Florida with the rest of the family for the funeral. When they arrive, Mitchell tells Phil that he's sorry and hugs him. ("Goodnight Gracie")
Phil and Mitchell go to see a movie, "Defenders of Infinity", but never actually got to see the movie because the smoke alarm goes off at the Dunphy house, prompting them to go home right after they eat pot gummy bears Phil's friend gave them, making them high while in the presence of their family. ("The Party")
Phil and Mitchell attend Hero-Con dressed as their favourite characters from the fantasy series "Clash of Swords". While there, Phil unsurprisingly brings misfortune to his surroundings, and unlike his own tendency to throw close relatives under the bus for his own gain, Mitchell actually saves him from the convention-goers' hatred while risking ostracization as well. Phil, in a true mark of his stupidity, later deems the attendees' acceptance of him as a result of him being "pure of heart" – as though his brother-in-law did not just save his pathetic ass. ("Clash of Swords")
Cameron is Phil's other brother-in-law due to Cameron marrying Mitchell after it was legalised for gays to marry. Unlike Mitch and Phil, Cam and Phil rarely had any brotherly moments but there are a few.
While Jay, Mitch and Claire laughed at Cameron who fell numerous times, Phil instead showed compassion and asked him if he was okay. ("See You Next Fall") When Phil's mother, Grace Dunphy dies, the family fly to Florida. Cam tells Phil that his mother was such a "kind and whimsical soul". ("Goodnight Gracie") Phil supported Cameron when he was described as an hypersensitive character. Phil told him that it is one of his greatest qualities. ("Farm Strong")
Phil and Cameron practised racketball. After a near death experience, Phil decided to become a type of action guy and helped Cameron to get a new dryer. However, Cameron felt attracted by Phil and wondered if he now somehow thought he was sexy. His new feelings disappeared when Phil's new personality went too far and Cameron thanked him to made him appreciate Mitchell, as he, at least, wasn't crazy. ("The Day We Almost Died")
Phil and Cameron discover that they share an interest.They love Simon Hasting's polar books, but when they prevent him from write his story, they try to recreate a synopsis. Two weeks later, Phil sends his fiction to Cam, who rejects it. ("Crazy Train") Phil and Cameron practised dance with their spouses. But because the teacher greeted them, they believed that they had to fire Mitchell and Claire and try to dance just without them which did not work. ("Wine Weekend") Phil and Cameron were ready to reassure their spouses after Dede's passing. Both were searching ice creams but got stuck in the traffic and reminisced about Dede while eating. ("Good Grief")
Frank Dunphy is Phil's father, he is also the only member of Phil's family who has ever appeared on-screen throughout the entire show is his father Frank who has appeared in every season except Seasons 2 and 3. He is a very cheerful and happy man and Phil always saw him as a friend rather than a parent when growing up. They are shown to have a very close relationship and Phil does the same thing with his son Luke. Frank also seems to have passed his cheerfulness on to his son which is likely the reason of why he is so goofy and childlike.
Grace Dunphy is Phil's mother, she hasn't ever appeared on the show in any way. But it is revealed by Claire, that she died in the finale of Season 4 from what seems to have been in her sleep. She and Phil appeared to have been very close.
(Phil is also an only child, thus he doesn't have siblings. In "Australia", Phil mentions that a great-grandfather (grandfather of his mother's) of his was Australian.)
- Listening to Hall and Oates.
- Dirty Dancing, one of his favorite movies, as mentioned in various episodes.
- Coaching a children's basketball league ("Benched") and betting on his fantasy football team ("Unplugged").
- Watching the nature channel.
- Working with computers and technology.
- Close-up magic, as shown in "Up All Night."
- Trampolines, as seen and mentioned in multiple episodes. He also subscribes to Bounce, a fictional trampoline magazine.
- Frequently talking about being a 'male cheerleader' in college, and is still under the impression that it was cool. He attributes he and his cheerleader friends not being invited to parties due to the other students being "jealous."
- Reading Simon Hastings novels and writing his own fan fiction of said novels, as shown in "Crazy Train"
- Phil, Claire, Mitch, Cam, Jay, and Gloria are the only characters who have appeared in every episode.
- He was born on April 3rd, as he says that the first-generation iPad is released on his birthday ("Game Changer").
- His and Claire's song is "If You Leave" by Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, which was playing when they first kissed ("Great Expectations").
- He has coulrophobia, fear of clowns ("Fizbo").
- His favorite movie is Dirty Dancing, as he mentions in various episodes.
- He mentions that he doesn't smoke because he has a respiratory problem ("Undeck the Halls").
- He might have ADHD ("Starry Night").
- Luke says that Phil thinks Peabo Bryson to be the greatest singer ("Family Portrait").
- Phil, along with Claire, has shown an interest for "cheesy cinema" ("Our Children, Ourselves").
- Phil has admitted to having a "thing" for black women. ("The Cover-Up").
- Phil played the flute in high school.
- Phil doesn't find quotes amusing.
- Phil can't drive a manual transmission. ("When a Tree Falls")
- Whenever Phil answers the phone or greets someone he almost never actually says hello instead he uses a pun of the word.
- He is a stress blinker, which means that he blinks excessively when stressed (especially when in a confrontation) which was revealed in "Tableau Vivant" when he tries to fire Mitchell. Ty Burrell, the actor who plays Phil Dunphy suffers from this in real life which is why the writers decided to write it into the show. So in all episodes except "Tableau Vivant" when Phil is blinking excessively it is actually Ty's tics in real life and not scripted.
- He often accidentally says things about himself that makes him sound dumb as seen in "Mistery Date" among other episodes.
- His western zodiac sign is Aries and his Chinese zodiac sign is a monkey.
- The 4 last digits of his phone number are "1984" which is also his lucky number because that was the year the movie Footloose came out. ("Mistery Date")
- His first kiss was his cousin when he was 12, his second kiss was when he was 14. ("Fight or Flight")
- He gets nausea from the smell of paint. ("The Kiss")
- He wanted to be a marine biologist. ("Goodnight Gracie")
|Phil: If you show enough houses, you learn all the tricks. Every realtor is just a ninja with a blazer. The average burglar breaks in and leaves clues everywhere, but not me. I'm completely clueless.|
— From "Airport 2010"
|Claire: Do you know what we're gonna make?
Phil: Kids bored?
— From "Fizbo"
|Phil: When you mess with Phil Dunphy, the claws come out.|
— From "Two Monkeys and a Panda"
|Phil: You can insult a lot of things about me: my hair, my voice, my balance board exercises. But don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I sold it!|
— From "The Old Wagon"
|Phil: We have a name at the office for when a deal goes south. Commission: Impossible. Maybe for some people.|
— From "Aunt Mommy"
|Phil: [seeing Haley and Alex scrubbing the kitchen] Whoa. What's all this?
Haley: Mom heard us say we were bored.
Alex: She heard us from outside!
Haley: She has super-good hearing, like a seeing eye dog. They have overdeveloped hearing to make up for the fact... wait, the dogs aren't blind. Wait, are they? No, that wouldn't make sense.
Alex: [to Phil] You're right. If I wait long enough, she can get there by herself.
Phil: [his cell phone rings] Quick, girls. Famous Danny from "Moonstruck". Aiello?
Mitchell: Hey, Phil, I'm glad I caught ya.
Phil: What's up?
Mitchell: Uh, it's about Steven and Stefan. They want to see that house on Briar again.
Phil: Really? I showed it to them five times. Last time we were there, I think they got mail.
Mitchell: Yeah, well, that's why I'm calling. They hate upsetting people. Unless, of course, it's me. Then they don't mind waking me up at seven a.m., asking me to call you.
Phil: It's no problem. I'm just hanging around. Kind of bored, really.
[Haley and Alex gasp]
[Phil gasps as he realizes what he just said].
— From "Aunt Mommy"
|Phil: Hey Claire, guess what?
Claire: I'm sorry, honey, I can't talk right now. I told Bethenny I would take her to the airport. I'm late, and she's gonna miss her flight. Where are my keys? Why is that chair still here? I thought you and Luke were gonna put it out on the sidewalk.
Phil: So you can't talk, unless it's about my chores.
Claire: Why don't you just do it now and you won't be so bored.
Phil: You heard that?
Claire: I hear everything.
— From "Aunt Mommy"
|Phil: Honey, you're not unlikeable.
Claire: Thank you.
Phil: You just seem unlikeable.
— From "Little Bo Bleep"
— From "Little Bo Bleep"
|Jay: [watching Claire try to remain composed at the debate] It's like watching the Hindenburg.
Gloria: It's the most horrible thing I've ever seen in my life.
Phil: [standing up] Excuse me.
Jay: Stand by.
— From "Little Bo Bleep"
|[On Gil Thorpe]
Phil: We'll just have to tell her she can't work for this guy. He's Gil-ty of being a Thorpe on my side.
Luke: You're trying too hard.
Phil: I know.
— From "Career Day"
|Phil: History is full of great rivalries. Athens versus Sparta. Harding versus Kerrigan. Gil Thorpe versus Phil Dunphy. He's the Tonya to my Nancy.|
— From "Career Day"
— From "Career Day"
— From "Career Day"
— From "The Wow Factor"
|Phil: That's when it hit me-- my daughters know nothing about home care and maintenance. I don't want 'em to be dependent. It's up to me to show them what a modern, self-sufficient woman looks like.|
— From "The Wow Factor"
|Phil: No one throws up, until I sing.|
— From "A Fair to Remember"
|Jay: Tonight, Frank you and me out on the town
Phil: Oh, fun, a three-way.
Jay: I already regret this.
— From "The Help"
|Luke: I wonder what kind of experiment we'll do? Maybe they'll show us those inkblots that look like two girls kissing.
Phil: Little tip from an old pro, they can electrify cheese.
— From "Do Not Push"
|Phil: We're gonna have this boy over for dinner, and I'll serve a big heaping plate of I-told-you-so.
Haley: And then we'll serve unicorn burgers and magic beans and I'll bring my boyfriend Bigfoot.
Claire: Still better than Dylan.
— From "Strangers in the Night"
|Phil: Claire, I think I know the look of love in another man's eyes.|
— From "Summer Lovin"
|Phil: Life is like a mountain road, with a new adventure around every corner.
Andy: Did you just think of that?
Phil: I did.
— From "White Christmas"
|Phil: A ladybug landed on me today how could this happen.|
—From "Heavy is the Head"
|Modern Family characters|