Mitch and Cam's long-awaited wedding is finally here and nothing can ruin it, until nothing turns into a whole lot of somethings and puts wedding planner extraordinaire Pepper Saltzman to the test. Meanwhile, Jay and Gloria host the Tuckers, Phil squeezes in an eye procedure before the festivities, and Claire embraces her role as "best woman".
Mitchell and Cameron woke up in the morning on their wedding day, And Pepper was right there with Ronaldo to give them breakfast in bed...much to Mitch and Cam's surprise. (PEPPER: Come on, this can't be the first time you've woken up with other men in your bedroom). But Ronaldo insisted they paid for a wedding; they should get their full packages. (PEPPER: Close, honey. So close). They didn't have to worry about rain (it was bone dry), but they did have to worry about Sal since nobody had heard from her. Pepper couldn't believe they asked her to officiate their wedding, but she sort of assumed they wanted her to do that. (CAMERON: It was supposed to be an intervention).
In the meantime, everybody else was having the usual crises that you have before a wedding. Manny had a big pimple on his face, Claire had to send Phil to find a turquoise bowl for Mitch and Cam's gift that they loved, although he had to go to the eye doctor and couldn't drive home. Which meant he couldn't hang out with Luke, which apparently offended Alex because she isn't at the top of his priority list for fun. And Jay and Gloria had Cameron's parents over...who insisted on compensating them with deer meat. (No word on if Jay has a big freezer in the basement). And Haley would get the joy of driving Andy to the airport because his taxi never arrived. But Andy would get the joy of hearing all about flying from Haley, who didn't want to sugarcoat it for Andy's fear of flying. Lily was certainly happy Cameron would style her hair for the wedding instead of Mitchell (as was Mitchell), but Cameron had to head to the dry cleaners because they didn't give him his tuxedo. Granted, the burgundy gown they gave him should have been his first clue, but Mitchell figured every wedding had something go wrong in it, and this was a pretty minor bump. And then the dry cleaners was closed due to a "family situation".
Alex escorted Phil through the store, although he still felt like Han Solo after he was just released from the carbonite. Which Alex thought was Star Trek, so you could understand why he preferred Luke. Particularly when she didn't want to try on funny hats with him. Meanwhile, Claire picked up Luke from camp, who was none too happy to see her. Luke had to miss boating to go to the wedding, but Claire figured they had a little bit of time. Meanwhile, Jay and Merle go to his club for a steam. Merle asked Jay if Mitchell still wasn't talking to him, which Jay admitted. Merle sort of knew what Jay was going through, particularly given he couldn't say his son and Jay's son were getting married to a couple of club members. Which would have worked except one of them asked whose daughter it was that was getting married. They quickly got out of the steam room before they had to answer, and neither one was proud of it.
Gloria was at home fixing Barb's, who apologized again for fighting with Merle in front of her. (GLORIA: If I talked that way in front of Jay, he'd think I was cheating on him). But Barb wasn't happy they were sniping at each other, and Gloria said she had to express her feelings to Merle and not keep them bottled up.
GLORIA: I have, like, ten little explosions every day so that I don't have a big one. Some of the women in our family, sometimes they shoot their husbands.
But Barb figured they had been married 48 'good' years; they should just run out the clock. Gloria insisted she tell Merle how she feels, but Barb insisted Merle would get all quiet and macho (as he giggles during a pedicure). And Jay telling stories about DeDe, his ex, was setting up Merle to not tolerate any of Barb's complaining.
Yes, we are building up to a disaster. Because of the wildfire near the venue, Pepper texted all of the guests to move up the wedding to 1 PM. Cam was no closer to getting his tuxedo, Andy's flight was delayed three hours, so Haley volunteered to stay with him after seeing how dedicated he was to his girlfriend, and Gloria didn't have a chance to fix her own hair. (BARB: I hate you). The line at the store for Phil and Alex was insane, the motor on the boat wasn't working, so Claire and Luke were stuck, and Lily ended up hanging from the dry cleaner rack after a ten-second lesson in how to operate it.
Luckily, when Lily went in through the drop slot, it set off the alarm so the owner was forced to come by and gave Cam his tuxedo. Phil took advantage of the protective sunglasses he was wearing and pretended he was blind. He got the bowl, only it was the wrong one and the clerk was trying to pull a fast one. Alex was then forced to play along, saying her father was blinded on a humanitarian mission to Honduras. Claire finally admitted why she insisted on joining Luke on the boat. Mitchell couldn't care less DeDe wouldn't be there and Claire didn't want Luke doing the same thing when he got married. Luke insisted he would be sad if she couldn't make it. The reason why Luke had been distant was he had been living in Alex's shadow while at school and it was driving him up a wall. He thought Alex would find a solution to everything...like taking the fishing pole that was in the boat and casting it to shore so he could reel them in. And he did. And it turns out Haley wanted to do more than assuage Andy's fear of flying. She saw a text on Andy's phone that his girlfriend dumped him. He was in complete denial, but Haley thought he was too good of a person to do that to himself. Still, when she got the text about the wedding being moved up, he insisted she go and he would be OK. He figured he had gone through this with his girlfriend before.
Sal did show up on time...and very pregnant. (Lily: You're huge!). And with someone who was the father but wasn't her husband. Granted, she had divorced that husband, but the pregnancy math wasn't making anyone more comfortable. Nor were Barb and Merle, who decided to leave her simply because she asked him to take the toothpick out of his mouth. But Barb decided she would leave him first, and both of them thanked Jay and Gloria for their help. Needless to say, they weren't happy with each other. But it was still time for the ceremony. Pepper told them to head down the aisle...and a fire marshal ran in to tell them the wildfire had jumped the freeway and he was ordering them to evacuate.
MITCHELL: So THIS is our bump.
(To be continued…)
(The characters striked out do not appear in this episode)
- Jay Pritchett
- Gloria Pritchett
- Manny Delgado
- Claire Dunphy
- Phil Dunphy
- Haley Dunphy
- Alex Dunphy
- Luke Dunphy
- Mitchell Pritchett
- Cameron Tucker
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett
- Nathan Lane as Pepper Saltzman
- Elizabeth Banks as Sal
- Barry Corbin as Merle Tucker
- Celia Weston as Barb Tucker
- Adam DeVine as Andy Bailey
- Christian Barillas as Ronaldo
- Dana Powell as Pam Tucker
- Kevin Daniels as Longines
- Colin Hanlon as Steven
- Matt Riedy as Howard
- Tony Pasqualini as Larry
- Steve Hytner as Sales Clerk
- Michael Benyaer as Jerry Amari
- Jeremiah Birkett as Fire Marshal
- Rodrigo Rojas as Stefan
- Michael Rupnow as Eddie
- Jeryl Prescott Sales as Shopper
- Cameron holds a trashcan and tries to break the window of the dry cleaner to save Lily, which he also did it to break the window of the car to save her in "Run for Your Wife".
- Lily is seen wearing the dress of Belle she wanted to buy in "Other People's Children".
- Sal reveals she divorced Tony, after they got married in "Best Men".
- A lot of characters reappear from old episodes:
- Pepper Saltzman ("Earthquake", "Boys' Night", "A Slight at the Opera", "The Help").
- Ronaldo ("The Help").
- Sal ("Great Expectations", "Best Men").
- Barb Tucker ("Mother Tucker", "ClosetCon '13").
- Merle Tucker ("The Last Walt").
- Andy ("The Help", "A Fair to Remember", "And One to Grow On", "Other People's Children").
- Steven and Stefan ("Aunt Mommy", "Open House of Horrors").
- Longines ("Dance Dance Revelation", "Boys' Night", "Go Bullfrogs!", "Snip").
- Pam Tucker ("Farm Strong").
- Although DeDe, Crispin, Brett, Frank, Pam, Susan, Connor, Donnie, and Dylan are people who know Mitch and Cam they do not attend the wedding. However, since Dylan and Frank aren't close friends or related to them, it could justify why they're absent.
- In the end credits, the screen appears to be black and the full theme song plays.
- Andy's fifth appearance (The Help, A Fair to Remember, And One to Grow On, Other People's Children).
- Alex compares Phil and Luke with Batman and Robin.
- Cam says that he's not Cindy Crawford.
- Phil mentions Han Solo from the Star Wars franchise.
- Cam attended Bea Arthur's funeral (April 2009).
- Luke mentions Kate Upton as his future wife.