Cameron and Mitchell, you may have guessed, didn't take well to the Fire Marshal telling them they had to evacuate. They begged to stay an hour, but the marshal told them they were quite close to the flames. Enter Pepper Salztman, who thought they could get things done in 30 minutes. The marshal relented, and Pepper got everyone into place. Pepper would just have to take the monarch butterflies in his Prius home with him. Which of course was the perfect opportunity for Sal to announce her water broke. She insisted she marry them and never mind her husband had only been with her for four months. (SAL: Sometimes when babies come this early, they may turn out black). Fortunately, Phil had paid $35 to get ordained online, so he could step in. Actually, he told them that....many times...all to no avail. Then Pepper came back with some bad news and good news. The bad news was a wind shift killed the thirty minutes they had. The good news was a fellow planner knew of a place not far away that wasn't about to be turned into a kiln. Unfortunately, the shuttles were off at another wedding, so everyone had to take school buses. (CAMERON: Half our guests are gay. We're finally giving them a good memory on a school bus.) They would go in the Prius with Pepper. And the butterflies. Who had gotten loose from their cage. Meanwhile, both Jay and Gloria had to be on damage control because of what each one said to Merle and Barb. Haley was still upset that Andy was trying to go back to his girlfriend, who dumped him, in order to patch things up, and Alex was having way too much fun about the fact that Luke and Manny got 'married' when Phil read off the wedding vows to them and they happened to say "I do."
On the good side, the new location for the wedding was beautiful. As was Barb, who was wearing Jay's jacket and found the flask he had in the pocket. She was feeling no pain and Merle was no closer to taking her back. Naturally, Mitchell was unhappy with Jay since they were already on shaky terms. On the good side, Claire had the rings and the wedding license, so that couldn't be screwed up. She WAS missing a daughter, who made her way to the coffee shop where Andy was still waiting for his flight. He complimented her on her attire and immediately apologized for saying such an obvious line. And then gave her another line. But this wasn't superficial Haley; this was a Haley that wanted him to come to the wedding. She didn't think Beth, Andy's girlfriend, wanted anything to do with him.
ANDY: You don't know Beth.
HALEY: I think I know Beth. In fact, I think I've been her a few times. Let me guess, you write ten letters for every one she writes. She ends the phone call first. You give her little reminders your birthday's coming up because deep in her mind, she's already forgotten it. She gives you just enough to keep you on the hook.
It was almost time for the ceremony. Cameron was relieved because he thought Mitchell would freak out at all the bad signs of the day and Jay having to convince him none of this was a sign not to get married. After all, there was fire, dark skies, and a flood if you count Sal's water breaking. Although the wedding party coming in who supposedly cancelled might be.
CAMERON: You don't see this as a sign? A swarm of Locusts?)
Plan C? Have the wedding at Cam and Mitch's. Oh, that is if the caterer shows up. And now we delve further into the ten plagues: famine. Gloria tries to play marriage counselor with Merle and Barb, and Alex confronts Haley about texting Andy. Alex wants to make sure Haley is serious about him and not just playing around. (ALEX: Here's the thing about nice, quiet dorks like Andy: you get over us faster than we get over you). Haley gets a call from Andy, who was convinced by what Haley said but wondered if she meant someone specific. Haley told him she meant in general he deserved to be happy. He said goodbye...and told the taxi to drive away from Mitch and Cam's house.
Claire finds Phil in the bathroom, who has been trying to incorporate a magic trick into the ceremony. He found a couple of confetti can shooters in Lily's closet, so he thought that would be a neat trick. And Claire didn't want to stop him. He reaches for her, and the shooters go off, knocking Claire into the tub with the water running. And Jay contacted DeDe to give her an update on the wedding. He talked about the time when they tried to comfort Mitchell about getting third place in an ice skating competition, not realizing third place was a good thing. Jay invited her to come by and see the wedding video when she had the chance, but DeDe didn't stay on the phone long enough to give Jay her new number. But it was enough for Barb and Merle to both eavesdrop on the call and realize their problems were nothing by comparison.
The ceremony began. Lily was the flower girl with only one flower, and the arch under which they'd be married was being held up by 2 of Pepper's helpers. Claire looked like she could win a wet t-shirt contest (CLAIRE: Yeah, like I'm the problem.), and Jay was outside on the phone not knowing the ceremony had begun. Cam offered to go get him, but Mitchell said they should just go. Cam stopped him.
CAMERON: Mitchell, is this really how you want to get married?
MITCHELL: It's not ideal, no. People don't have any rice to throw because they're chewing it raw out of starvation. And half of our guests are on the lawn and (a scream from outside) there go the sprinklers.
CAMERON: OK, let's just call time of death on this.
MITCHELL: You're right. (to the guests) Everybody, thank you all so much for dealing with all of this today. It means a lot to us but unfortunately...
JAY: (entering) Stop, you can't do this.
MITCHELL: (mad as hell) Yeah, way ahead of you, Dad. Thank you for stopping by…
JAY: What I mean is you can't get married like this. You two deserve the kind of wedding you've been talking about non-stop for the last nine months. Now what are we all standing around for?
Jay takes everybody over to his country club, has everything catered, and even gets a new string quartet because the original lost 2 of its members to volunteer firefighting and another to flipping over in the caterer's truck. Besides, a wedding like this was just the shake-up the club needed. Jay found Mitchell at the back of the chairs ready to walk up and Mitch wanted him to get to his seat.
JAY: Actually, I thought you and I should take a little walk.
Jay escorts Mitchell down the aisle. And Merle couldn't let Jay get away with that, so he goes to escort Cameron down the aisle...much to Barb's delight. And Gloria didn't feel like being left out, so she helped escort Mitchell as well. Phil started the ceremony. Vitamin String Quartet cover of "Home" by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros plays as they walk down the aisle.
PHIL: Thank you all for being here on this happy occasion. They say the best marriages contain just a little bit of magic. (no magic trick, he just takes Claire's hand) Believe me, I know.
CLAIRE: (voiceover) I remember it like is was yesterday. The day Mitchell came home from the hospital. In a VERY unfashionable white diaper with three strands of raggly Raggedy Andy hair. We were inseparable. I was his big sister, his big brother, his nemesis, his protector, his best friend. I was his first partner. And I loved every minute of it. So naturally, I was a little picky when it came to WHO was going to be replacing me. And then I met this Cam. And sure, he was warm and funny and loving. I wondered, was he really everything I wanted for my brother. Was he really the best person? (at the ceremony) No, ***I'M*** the best person. And now, I'm pleased to raise a glass and introduce you for the first time on our fourth try, two great husbands, Mitchell and Cameron!
As for Luke and Manny, Luke wasn't happy about the way Manny was looking at Haley. (LUKE: Just don't do it in front of me, OK?). Lily was staying with the Dunphys while Mitch and Cam had their honeymoon, and Alex wanted to know if she missed her dads.
LILY: (looking and Luke and Manny bickering) It's like they never left.
- Nathan Lane as Pepper Saltzman
- Elizabeth Banks as Sal
- Barry Corbin as Merle Tucker
- Celia Weston as Barb Tucker
- Adam DeVine as Andy
- Christian Barillas as Ronaldo
- Dana Powell as Pam Tucker
- Kevin Daniels as Longines
- Colin Hanlon as Steven
- Jeremiah Birkett as Fire Marshal
- Matt Riedy as Howard
- Rodrigo Rojas as Stefan
- Michael Rupnow as Eddie
- Tim True as Mr. Lucas
- Deepak Ramapriyan as Cellist
- Mitch and Cam get married, after getting engaged in "Suddenly, Last Summer".
- Phil flashbacks to "Australia".
- Phil's middle name is given as Humphrey.
- A cover of "Home", by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros, performed by Vitamin String Quartet plays when Cam and Mitch walk down the aisle.